What does one say when all is said and done.

I am not sure where everything went downhill or when it went downhill all I know is once again I am left to pick up the pieces of myself. Every single time I trust someone this is where I end up... Ashkan, Spencer, Derick and now you too. This was never meant to be a thing and I have absolutely no idea how you made such an impression on my life. You were supposed to be a rebound something to have as arm candy and be nothing else so when did that change? Why was everything so different with you...For months I had you wrapped around my finger and then things started crashing because once again I couldn't trust. It took me several weeks and and several attempts later with a few failed attempts in which we ended up cuddling I bit the bullet. How could you let me trust you if you knew this was going to happen? I let you be apart of something that is special to me and you've gone and ruined every bit of trust I had for people. Somehow I became the bad guy in this situation and you ended up on top. 3 weeks later and still nothing feels better, my days are still dark and I still have a pit in my stomach. Why can't you feel any of this pain I feel? I just wish once in your life you would be held accountable for your actions. Why can't I stop these tears from falling, I can't seem to handle myself and I need to. Prom night is coming up and what am I doing... you are going out and spending the night in his hotel room and where am i..... i am going home to cry myself asleep again....I guess it is safe to say I deserve this, after all the lives I've ruined and the hearts I've broken it's my turn right? Why couldn't you just leave before things got like this before you convinced me I could trust you... before you promised me you were different than everyone else. Well look at this.. you lied, you took advantage of my weak points, you did everything right for all the wrong reasons and turned out to be just like everyone else.... Now I'm stuck here once again picking up the pieces of myself wishing I won't wake up every morning.... Id like to ask you.... Are you happy now? Our first anniversary... why did i even believe your lies Anyways that's it. My hormones cant handle this right now.....